Note: Yep, I accidentally skipped an episode. I guess it was bound to happen sooner or later. I’ll go back and get it next week. In the meantime, enjoy episode 4!
We open at Sharkey’s where Tiffani and Lorena compare notes about how Jake is in bed. Actually, they’re talking about the massive time jump we’ve undergone in just four episodes, during which three months have passed. The timeline for this series just confuses the fuck out of me. Next week, I fully expect it to be fifty years in the future.
In any case, Jake and Tiffani are about to break their record for longest consecutive amount of time they’ve dated, and both are scared to jinx it so they’re staying as far away from each other as possible since they know hijinks on this show happen on a weekly basis and the producers are likely to throw anything at them. They’re planning on a three month anniversary dinner tomorrow night.
That’s got to take back seat to Dumb and Dumber’s idiocy, though, as Sly and Mark have managed to get booked on a charity version of The Dating Game so they can sexually harass girls in public. Well, Sly will anyway. I’m not sure Mark’s aware how girls work. Since Tony and Jake enjoy seeing the Winkles humiliated, they decide to tag along and watch.
Since nothing is ever pre-planned in the Engel-verse, the four immediately arrive backstage at an all-girls Catholic school, because of course it is. What else would I expect out of the show at this point. While Sly and Mark practically wet themselves over the appearance of so many vaginas who don’t yet know of their flaws…
…Tony wets himself over the appearance of Milt Bradley, who’s apparently a celebrity game show host who serves as Tony’s life-long hero. Seems Tony suddenly has aspirations of being a game show host, a trait that was pulled deeper out of the asses of the writers than Tony’s acting dream last season. Oh, and naming a character after a brand of board games. Original thinking there, guys. You get a gold star because at least you tried!
Tragedy strikes, though, when Milt tells Sly and Mark the game is cancelled for the night since the third contestant cancelled. Since Tony’s busy obsessing that Milt didn’t think he was super cool and shit, Sly convinces Jake to go on instead with the caveat Jake’s going to act really stupid and shit so he won’t win.
So the game at…St. Margaret’s…seriously, guys, this sounds like a nunnery. I keep expecting Whoopi Goldberg to come running out in a habit.
Well, in any case, Milt introduces the girl to the audience, and we get our basic shtick for the scene: Sly’s his usual asshole self, Mark’s a blithering idiot, and Jake tries to act as stupid as possible. This scene, despite being cliche as shit, may be one of the funnier things the show’s done over the last two seasons, so props to them for that. I actually found myself chuckling at Jake trying to act like a moron.
Unfortunately for Jake, a complete moron is still the more preferable choice out of the three, and the girl picks him after revealing she’s an idiot herself and didn’t understand the rules to the game. Seems the weekly Engel-verse hijinks found him after all.
Backstage, Sly blames Jake for still being the most preferable out of the three even when he acts like an idiot, but Jake blames Sly for having no personality that any girl would ever find attractive. Tony reminds Jake that most girls won’t like it if their boyfriend goes out with someone else while Jake thinks they have a trusting relationship. Jake decides he’ll go on the date and not tell Tiffani, but turns out the date with the girl, Teri, is tomorrow night at Sharkey’s. Oh, the hijinks!
Oh, and Milt compliments Tony’s really horrible game show announcer schtick, because we need an excuse for what comes later.
At Lorena’s loft, everyone thinks Tiffani’s dress for the date looks great, but she runs away when Jake comes in and refuses to talk with him. When Lorena and Sam, in no uncertain terms, let him know she’d rip his eyes off if he cancelled, he decides he has to go on both dates without either knowing so the writers can check another cliche off the list.
So Jake and Tiffani show up at Sharkey’s, with Tiffani complaining about going to the stupid restaurant they’re always at. The continuity fairy must be in town, though, because, when Jake tries to make the excuse they first met at Sharkey’s, or they had their first kiss at Sharkey’s, Tiffani suddenly remembers those events happened at school and in Matt’s garage respectively. I’m actually pretty damned impressed these writers remembered shit that happened two seasons ago. Usually in the Engel-verse, I don’t expect continuity within the same episode.
So you can probably guess what the setup of this scene is: Jake keeps running between tables on the opposite ends of Sharkey’s so he can have a date with Tiffani and Teri at the same time. Sly and Mark help him out with this and, for some reason, he keeps changing clothes in the middle of it while doing his best Stingray impression. This is a long scene and, again, one of the funnier elements of the last couple of seasons despite being completely cliche.
The jig’s finally up when Jake’s puka necklace breaks as he hides under the booth, causing Teri to trip as well and start talking about dating Jake. Tiffani tells Jake to go fuck himself as she doesn’t want to hear any wild excuses.
At the loft, Tiffani still doesn’t want to listen to Jake, but Sam convinces her to listen. After Jake explains, Tiffani claims she’s just really pissed because he lied to her, which I call bullshit on since most girls don’t enjoy their significant others cheating on them. Tony has an idea to settle this, though.
To yet another version of The Dating Game at Sharkey’s. The goal will be for Jake to prove he can tell which girl is Tiffani based solely on his questions.
Unfortunately for him, Tiffani speaks in a very bad British accent that seems to fool Jake, and all three girls have the same hair color, personality, and ethics, making it impossible to tell.
Jake finally says this is all stupid and he starts telling all kinds of less shallow stuff about Tiffani. She comes out and kisses him.
And our episode ends with Jake and Tiffani apologizing, kissing, and deciding to break their new record as Tony jumps in the middle, jealous that anyone other than him gets to kiss Jake.
Actually, not a bad episode for being so cliched. I’m shocked I’m saying this, but will the Jake/Tiffani romance be more interesting the second time around? I’m betting no, but, still, it’s fun to think maybe the writers learned something from before.
No song this week.